Alexandra PetriAlexandra Petri is a Washington Post columnist offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day. She is the author of the new essay collection "Nothing Is Wrong And Here Is Why."https://www.washingtonpost.comThu, 23 Dec 2021 01:54:17 +00001hourly1Need a dose of humor in your day? Chat with Alexandra Petri. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/12/28/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/12/28/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/Alexandra PetriTue, 28 Dec 2021 16:00:30 +0000Petri's Q&A with readers starts at 11 a.m. ET on Tuesday. Submit your questions now.Carpenter and fiancee hesitant to bring child into troubled worldhttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/12/21/millennial-nativity-story-satire/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/12/21/millennial-nativity-story-satire/Alexandra PetriTue, 21 Dec 2021 22:32:15 +0000Joseph and Mary did sit down in that place that is called Couch and, lo, they began to discuss.Bring on the Christmas puns! Chat with Alexandra Petri. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/12/14/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/12/14/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/Alexandra PetriTue, 21 Dec 2021 16:00:47 +0000Read a transcript of Petri's Q&A with readers.Joe Manchin is visited by the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Futurehttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/12/20/joe-manchin-christmas-carol-bbb-satire/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/12/20/joe-manchin-christmas-carol-bbb-satire/Alexandra PetriMon, 20 Dec 2021 21:48:47 +0000Sen. Manchin lives through 'A Build Back Better Christmas Carol.'Melania Trump’s new NFT is the perfect holiday g(r)ifthttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/12/16/melania-trump-nft-art-christmas-satire/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/12/16/melania-trump-nft-art-christmas-satire/Alexandra PetriThu, 16 Dec 2021 18:54:38 +0000The perfect gift for those who give a **** about the Christmas stuff!After Ron Johnson’s Listerine push, no product is certain it won’t be billed as covid-19 treatmenthttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/12/14/listerine-covid-ron-johnson-satire/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/12/14/listerine-covid-ron-johnson-satire/Alexandra PetriTue, 14 Dec 2021 14:00:59 +0000We'd better start preparing our statements now!If we made other professions ‘Dash for Cash’ like we do teachershttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/12/13/dash-cash-teachers-dollar-bills-satire/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/12/13/dash-cash-teachers-dollar-bills-satire/Alexandra PetriMon, 13 Dec 2021 22:22:14 +0000All those single dollar bills the teachers dove for — but with firefighters!Your Democracy Summit questions, answered by Americahttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/12/10/democracy-summit-biden-questions-satire/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/12/10/democracy-summit-biden-questions-satire/Alexandra PetriFri, 10 Dec 2021 20:29:06 +0000At Biden's Summit for Democracy, the U.S. shares some quirky traditions!Merry Christmas from our family (2 adults, 4 children and numerous unlicensed guns) to yours!https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/12/09/merry-christmas-our-family-2-adults-4-children-numerous-unlicensed-guns-yours/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/12/09/merry-christmas-our-family-2-adults-4-children-numerous-unlicensed-guns-yours/Alexandra PetriThu, 09 Dec 2021 13:00:42 +0000Some of us are smiling; the other five are guns.What is the best banana song? Alexandra Petri answered your questions. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/12/07/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/12/07/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/Alexandra PetriTue, 07 Dec 2021 16:00:44 +0000Read a transcript of Petri's Q&A with readers.I tried the Elizabeth Holmes schedule, and here is how it wenthttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/interactive/2021/elizabeth-holmes-schedule-tried-myself/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/interactive/2021/elizabeth-holmes-schedule-tried-myself/Alexandra PetriFri, 03 Dec 2021 22:07:47 +0000I am ALL ABOUT BUSINESS!In case you missed the abortion argument, here’s about how it wenthttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/12/02/supreme-court-abortion-argument-summary-satire/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/12/02/supreme-court-abortion-argument-summary-satire/Alexandra PetriThu, 02 Dec 2021 19:14:11 +0000Stare decisis is for losers!Woman savoring last few hours before getting turned back into vesselhttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/30/supreme-court-abortion-mississippi-case-satire/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/30/supreme-court-abortion-mississippi-case-satire/Alexandra PetriTue, 30 Nov 2021 21:39:06 +0000Her rights were all the alienable kind, it turned out.What is the best Christmas movie? Alexandra Petri answered your questions.https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/30/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/30/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/Alexandra PetriTue, 30 Nov 2021 16:00:22 +0000Petri's Q&A with readers was at 11 a.m. ET on Tuesday. Read the transcript.Stephen Sondheim made art that made life more realhttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/27/stephen-sondheim-songs-life-more-real/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/27/stephen-sondheim-songs-life-more-real/Alexandra PetriSat, 27 Nov 2021 21:09:52 +0000He knew that the beauty was in the in-between.Take all books off the shelves. They’re just too dangerous.https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/26/banned-books-libraries-school-board-satire/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/26/banned-books-libraries-school-board-satire/Alexandra PetriFri, 26 Nov 2021 15:45:29 +0000Books follow you home and pry open your head and rearrange the things inside.Thanksgiving traditions and rituals explained for non-Americanshttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/24/thanksgiving-traditions-rituals-explained-non-americans/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/24/thanksgiving-traditions-rituals-explained-non-americans/Alexandra PetriWed, 24 Nov 2021 20:27:20 +0000Your turkey may be wearing a Pilgrim hat, to imply that he would have been a religious separatist.What is the best Thanksgiving side dish? Alexandra Petri answered your questions.https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/23/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/23/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/Alexandra PetriTue, 23 Nov 2021 16:00:01 +0000Petri's Q&A with readers was at 11 a.m. ET on Tuesday. Read the transcript.Speeches usually use words to express ideas. Unless you are Kevin McCarthy.https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/19/kevin-mccarthy-speech-eight-hours-build-back-better/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/19/kevin-mccarthy-speech-eight-hours-build-back-better/Alexandra PetriFri, 19 Nov 2021 21:50:09 +0000A lot happened in eight-and-a-half hours.Are your fellow Republicans mad at your despicable behavior? A handy guide.https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/18/paul-gosar-censure-vote-republicans-satire/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/18/paul-gosar-censure-vote-republicans-satire/Alexandra PetriThu, 18 Nov 2021 17:38:30 +0000Take this quiz to find out!A ranking of 100 — yes, 100 — Christmas songshttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2018/12/07/100-best-christmas-songs-ranking/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2018/12/07/100-best-christmas-songs-ranking/Alexandra PetriWed, 17 Nov 2021 22:50:21 +0000From "Little Drummer Boy" to "I Farted on Santa's Lap," here's where they stand.Alexandra Petri Q&A: Getting into the holiday spirit alreadyhttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/16/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/16/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/Alexandra PetriTue, 16 Nov 2021 16:00:47 +0000Read a transcript of Petri's Q&A with readers.Teen who showed up in operating room with scalpel had idolized doctors all his lifehttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/15/kyle-rittenhouse-trial-defense-satire/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/15/kyle-rittenhouse-trial-defense-satire/Alexandra PetriMon, 15 Nov 2021 20:38:30 +0000He was just trying to help!My dream university definitely isn’t a scam!https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/11/austin-university-munger-dorm-dream-college-satire/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/11/austin-university-munger-dorm-dream-college-satire/Alexandra PetriThu, 11 Nov 2021 18:46:12 +0000I don’t have a name for the university yet — this is where you, the wealthy donor, come in!Big Bird is a communisthttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/09/big-bird-vaccine-communist-propaganda-satire/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/09/big-bird-vaccine-communist-propaganda-satire/Alexandra PetriTue, 09 Nov 2021 16:03:52 +0000Sesame Street was quieter now, and it no longer rang with song, or, if it did, the songs were all patriotic.Who likes turkey anyway? Chat with Alexandra Petri. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/09/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/09/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/Alexandra PetriTue, 09 Nov 2021 16:00:38 +0000Petri's Q&A with readers started at 11 a.m. ET on Tuesday. Read the transcript.The real meaning of ‘Let’s go, Brandon!’ — and 32 other chants!https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/04/what-does-lets-go-brandon-mean-biden-satire/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/04/what-does-lets-go-brandon-mean-biden-satire/Alexandra PetriThu, 04 Nov 2021 13:00:05 +0000Let’s go, Braden!: I understand what the “let’s go, Brandon” chant means, but I’m a contrarian!You did this to Josh Hawleyhttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/03/josh-hawley-masculinity-speech-satire/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/03/josh-hawley-masculinity-speech-satire/Alexandra PetriWed, 03 Nov 2021 12:00:04 +0000He is concerned about masculinity!Is it time for ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’? Chat with Alexandra Petri. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/02/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/02/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/Alexandra PetriTue, 02 Nov 2021 15:00:13 +0000Humor columnist Alexandra Petri answered your questions and comments on the news and political in(s)anity of the day.Welcome to ... the Meta Zonehttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/10/29/facebook-meta-renamed-twilight-zone-parody/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/10/29/facebook-meta-renamed-twilight-zone-parody/Alexandra PetriFri, 29 Oct 2021 20:35:26 +0000Here are a few tales from this place.Your new Glenn Youngkin-approved AP English curriculum!https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/10/27/glenn-youngkin-beloved-book-school-curriculum/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/10/27/glenn-youngkin-beloved-book-school-curriculum/Alexandra PetriWed, 27 Oct 2021 13:00:24 +0000“The Sun Also Rises” — offensive to flat-Earthers!Reader Q&A: Alexandra Petri chats about last-minute Halloween costume ideashttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/10/26/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/10/26/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/Alexandra PetriTue, 26 Oct 2021 15:00:19 +0000Humor columnist Alexandra Petri answered your questions and comments on the news and political in(s)anity of the day.How to talk to your grandchildren about Joe Manchin and the climatehttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/10/26/joe-manchin-cepp-climate-plan-satire/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/10/26/joe-manchin-cepp-climate-plan-satire/Alexandra PetriTue, 26 Oct 2021 13:00:34 +0000Tell them to sip their water ration slowly and savor it while you explain.The 50 best Halloween songs of all timehttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/10/22/best-halloween-songs-party-playlist/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/10/22/best-halloween-songs-party-playlist/Alexandra PetriFri, 22 Oct 2021 13:00:20 +0000If you are an artist looking to break into a seasonal music canon, go for Halloween.Don’t worry! Voting is just one of many priorities voters have.https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/10/21/dont-worry-voting-is-just-one-many-priorities-voters-have/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/10/21/dont-worry-voting-is-just-one-many-priorities-voters-have/Alexandra PetriThu, 21 Oct 2021 18:03:10 +0000It's just one issue like other issues!Who knew ‘horror eateries’ were a thing? Alexandra Petri answered your questions.https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/10/19/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/10/19/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/Alexandra PetriTue, 19 Oct 2021 15:00:14 +0000Humor columnist Alexandra Petri takes your questions and comments on the news and political in(s)anity of the day.Paternity leave is only for the weak!https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/10/18/paternity-leave-pete-buttigieg-weak-satire/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/10/18/paternity-leave-pete-buttigieg-weak-satire/Alexandra PetriMon, 18 Oct 2021 19:24:04 +0000Parents ought to leave their child on a mountaintop and go about their lives.Finally Understand Kyrsten Sinema in 360 Easy Stepshttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/10/16/finally-understand-kyrsten-sinema-360-easy-steps/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/10/16/finally-understand-kyrsten-sinema-360-easy-steps/Alexandra PetriSat, 16 Oct 2021 13:00:18 +0000It all makes sense now!What do you call a Frisbee on a tent? Chat with Alexandra Petri.https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/10/12/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/10/12/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/Alexandra PetriTue, 12 Oct 2021 15:00:13 +0000Humor columnist Alexandra Petri answered your questions and comments on the news and political in(s)anity of the day.Speaking of bad art friends, I, Jay Gatsby, have a complainthttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/10/12/bad-art-friend-great-gatsby-satire/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/10/12/bad-art-friend-great-gatsby-satire/Alexandra PetriTue, 12 Oct 2021 13:00:55 +0000It seems he's just mining my life for material for a book about the American dream?CANCELED: Need a dose of humor in your day? Chat with Alexandra Petri. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/09/28/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/09/28/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/Alexandra PetriTue, 28 Sep 2021 15:00:42 +0000Alexandra Petri’s Sept. 28 chat is canceled. The next chat will be Oct. 12.Is this what Joe Manchin really wants?https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/09/25/joe-manchin-reconciliation-voting-rights-bill-senate/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/09/25/joe-manchin-reconciliation-voting-rights-bill-senate/Alexandra PetriSat, 25 Sep 2021 13:00:09 +0000Joe Manchin can be persuaded only when he is on his boat, and he is not on his boat right now.In a galaxy far, far away, the Parliamentarian is our only hopehttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/09/22/senate-parliamentarian-mandalorian-star-wars-filibuster/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/09/22/senate-parliamentarian-mandalorian-star-wars-filibuster/Alexandra PetriWed, 22 Sep 2021 13:00:54 +0000This is the way?What has a vole ever done to you? Chat with Alexandra Petri. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/09/21/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/09/21/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/Alexandra PetriTue, 21 Sep 2021 15:00:20 +0000Humor columnist Alexandra Petri took your questions and comments on the news and political in(s)anity of the day.Every Supreme Court speech from the past few weeks, but ‘partisanship’ is ‘a rodent problem’https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/09/18/supreme-court-speech-barrett-thomas-breyer-partisanship-mice/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/09/18/supreme-court-speech-barrett-thomas-breyer-partisanship-mice/Alexandra PetriSat, 18 Sep 2021 13:00:20 +0000Every mouse is regrettable, but I don’t think one or two or even seven translates to a rodent problem.Goblincore? Cottagecore? Here are some more -cores, as long as we’re doing this.https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/09/16/goblincore-cottagecore-other-aesthetic-examples/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/09/16/goblincore-cottagecore-other-aesthetic-examples/Alexandra PetriThu, 16 Sep 2021 13:00:01 +0000Floorcore: Everything is on the floor, but that is on purpose for aesthetic reasons.Amy Coney Barrett has ascendedhttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/09/14/amy-coney-barrett-speech-supreme-court-partisan/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/09/14/amy-coney-barrett-speech-supreme-court-partisan/Alexandra PetriTue, 14 Sep 2021 21:03:22 +0000She isn’t partisan. She has a philosophy.What would you do if you saw a loose zebra? Chat with Alexandra Petri. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/09/14/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/09/14/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/Alexandra PetriTue, 14 Sep 2021 15:00:28 +0000Humor columnist Alexandra Petri answered your questions and comments on the news and political in(s)anity of the day.A history of the United States, according to statueshttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/09/11/robert-e-lee-statue-history-united-states/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/09/11/robert-e-lee-statue-history-united-states/Alexandra PetriSat, 11 Sep 2021 13:00:46 +0000Too bad this is all we have to go on!Greg Abbott has a button on his desk to eliminate all rape in Texashttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/09/09/abbott-texas-abortion-eliminate-rape-button/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/09/09/abbott-texas-abortion-eliminate-rape-button/Alexandra PetriThu, 09 Sep 2021 13:00:52 +0000The state has ways of shutting that whole thing down.What’s the deal with pencils? Chat with Alexandra Petri. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/09/07/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/09/07/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/Alexandra PetriTue, 07 Sep 2021 15:00:14 +0000Humor columnist Alexandra Petri answered your questions and comments on the news and political in(s)anity of the day.The government can but also can’t but can tell you what to do with your body here in Texas https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/09/01/government-can-also-cant-can-tell-you-what-do-with-your-body-here-texas/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/09/01/government-can-also-cant-can-tell-you-what-do-with-your-body-here-texas/Alexandra PetriWed, 01 Sep 2021 22:51:24 +0000A mess with Texas.How do you avoid getting sick of a song? Chat with Alexandra Petri. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/08/31/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/08/31/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/Alexandra PetriTue, 31 Aug 2021 15:00:02 +0000Humor columnist Alexandra Petri answered your questions and comments on the news and political in(s)anity of the day.Come to the office! We have bees! https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/08/26/return-office-plants-bees-heart-darkness/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/08/26/return-office-plants-bees-heart-darkness/Alexandra PetriThu, 26 Aug 2021 17:16:49 +0000This is definitely not a 'Heart of Darkness' situation!Is the Starbucks fall menu a sign the end is near? Chat with Alexandra Petri. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/08/24/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/08/24/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/Alexandra PetriTue, 24 Aug 2021 15:00:29 +0000Humor columnist Alexandra Petri answered your questions and comments on the news and political in(s)anity of the day.The Pfizer vaccine is FDA-approved, so what’s your new excuse?https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/08/24/pfizer-vaccine-fda-approved-comirnaty-excuses/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/08/24/pfizer-vaccine-fda-approved-comirnaty-excuses/Alexandra PetriTue, 24 Aug 2021 13:05:59 +0000I’m waiting to see which one the FDA approves of the most.Do you ever think … that maybe the virtual-reality office is stupid?https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/08/20/facebook-virtual-reality-office-metaverse-horizon-workrooms/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/08/20/facebook-virtual-reality-office-metaverse-horizon-workrooms/Alexandra PetriFri, 20 Aug 2021 20:09:04 +0000Let's see how deep the rabbit hole goes.Sean Hannity cuts to commercialhttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/08/19/sean-hannity-mypillow-afghanistan-radio-show/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/08/19/sean-hannity-mypillow-afghanistan-radio-show/Alexandra PetriThu, 19 Aug 2021 21:35:55 +0000The Hindenburg has exploded. But interest rates haven’t!Is it Halloween already? Chat with Alexandra Petri. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/08/17/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/08/17/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/Alexandra PetriTue, 17 Aug 2021 15:00:40 +0000Humor columnist Alexandra Petri answered your questions and comments on the news and political in(s)anity of the day.‘I Am Legend’ vaccine guidance is just the beginning of bad fictional advice!https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/08/12/i-am-legend-vaccine-virus-wrong/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/08/12/i-am-legend-vaccine-virus-wrong/Alexandra PetriThu, 12 Aug 2021 20:30:26 +0000“Frankenstein”: Avoid doctors.Forget Hungary. Tucker Carlson is all about Mordor now.https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/08/11/tucker-carlson-hungary-trip-mordor/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/08/11/tucker-carlson-hungary-trip-mordor/Alexandra PetriWed, 11 Aug 2021 13:10:13 +0000I am honored to announce I will be speaking next week at the Mordor Summit in Barad-dur at the invitation of Dark Lord Sauron!What animal would you look to for emotional support? Chat with Alexandra Petri. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/08/10/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/08/10/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/Alexandra PetriTue, 10 Aug 2021 15:00:51 +0000Humor columnist Alexandra Petri takes your questions and comments on the news and political in(s)anity of the day.Your Trump Card benefitshttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/08/06/your-trump-card-benefits/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/08/06/your-trump-card-benefits/Alexandra PetriFri, 06 Aug 2021 18:50:15 +0000Benefits of your Trump Card!‘Stabbing People Is Just How I’ve Always Greeted Them,’ by Jack the Ripper https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/08/03/stabbing-people-is-just-how-ive-always-greeted-them-by-jack-ripper/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/08/03/stabbing-people-is-just-how-ive-always-greeted-them-by-jack-ripper/Alexandra PetriTue, 03 Aug 2021 19:58:46 +0000I’m a stabby guy. It’s what I do, and it’s not personal.Why do Olympic athletes shave their bodies? Chat with Alexandra Petri.https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/08/03/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/08/03/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/Alexandra PetriTue, 03 Aug 2021 15:00:22 +0000Humor columnist Alexandra Petri answered your questions and comments on the news and political in(s)anity of the day.The epic of Gilgamesh at Hobby Lobbyhttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/07/29/epic-gilgamesh-hobby-lobby/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/07/29/epic-gilgamesh-hobby-lobby/Alexandra PetriThu, 29 Jul 2021 13:05:22 +0000Praise to the DOJ!I was part of the problem. Please ignore everything I’ve said and get vaccinated.https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/07/28/i-was-part-problem-please-ignore-everything-ive-said-get-vaccinated/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/07/28/i-was-part-problem-please-ignore-everything-ive-said-get-vaccinated/Alexandra PetriWed, 28 Jul 2021 21:04:57 +0000Just kidding I'm altering my position!Nancy Pelosi did thishttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/07/27/nancy-pelosi-jan-6-lies/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/07/27/nancy-pelosi-jan-6-lies/Alexandra PetriTue, 27 Jul 2021 20:38:24 +0000And other ridiculous lies we've been asked to believe about Jan. 6.How many open tabs is too many? Chat with Alexandra Petri. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/07/27/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/07/27/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/Alexandra PetriTue, 27 Jul 2021 15:00:00 +0000Humor columnist Alexandra Petri answered your questions and comments on the news and political in(s)anity of the day.Have information you want no one ever to know? Tell the FBI!https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/07/23/fbi-kavanaugh-secret-information/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/07/23/fbi-kavanaugh-secret-information/Alexandra PetriFri, 23 Jul 2021 19:58:49 +0000Some secrets still exist!Kevin McCarthy is right. Here is what the Jan. 6 commission really needs.https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/07/22/kevin-mccarthy-is-right-here-is-what-jan-6-commission-really-needs/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/07/22/kevin-mccarthy-is-right-here-is-what-jan-6-commission-really-needs/Alexandra PetriThu, 22 Jul 2021 16:57:53 +0000No more of this one-sided view that the insurrection was necessarily bad!Should we care about these space trips? Chat with Alexandra Petri. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/07/20/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/07/20/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/Alexandra PetriTue, 20 Jul 2021 15:00:24 +0000Humor columnist Alexandra Petri answered your questions and comments on the news and political in(s)anity of the day.Concerned vaccine skeptics push back against disturbing fad of teenagers livinghttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/07/16/concerned-vaccine-skeptics-push-back-against-disturbing-fad-teenagers-living/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/07/16/concerned-vaccine-skeptics-push-back-against-disturbing-fad-teenagers-living/Alexandra PetriFri, 16 Jul 2021 16:42:09 +0000Youths have been partaking of "the jab" seemingly as fast as they can get to the needles.Some one-star Yelp reviews of space travel from the near futurehttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/07/14/some-one-star-yelp-reviews-space-travel-near-future/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/07/14/some-one-star-yelp-reviews-space-travel-near-future/Alexandra PetriWed, 14 Jul 2021 15:47:41 +0000No gift shop!Should we implement a Daylight Saving Temperature? Chat with Alexandra Petri. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/07/13/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/07/13/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/Alexandra PetriTue, 13 Jul 2021 15:00:53 +0000Humor columnist Alexandra Petri answered your questions and comments on the news and political in(s)anity of the day.Selections from J.D. Vance’s reworked, pro-Trump edition of ‘Hillbilly Elegy’ https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/07/08/jd-vance-anti-trump-hillbilly-elegy/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/07/08/jd-vance-anti-trump-hillbilly-elegy/Alexandra PetriThu, 08 Jul 2021 18:51:51 +0000He repents of his error — the error was criticizing Donald Trump, in any way.What the programming list for Fox’s new weather channel will look likehttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/07/06/fox-news-weather-channel-program-list-satire/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/07/06/fox-news-weather-channel-program-list-satire/Alexandra PetriTue, 06 Jul 2021 19:37:33 +0000I for one cannot wait for this programming!How can we stop this heat wave? Chat with Alexandra Petri.https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/07/06/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/07/06/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/Alexandra PetriTue, 06 Jul 2021 15:00:31 +0000Humor columnist Alexandra Petri answered your questions and comments on the news and political in(s)anity of the day.There’s no way temperatures are this high. It’s time for an audit.https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/30/record-temperatures-heat-wave-require-audit/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/30/record-temperatures-heat-wave-require-audit/Alexandra PetriWed, 30 Jun 2021 20:02:26 +0000Something must be wrong with all the thermometers!What is bitcoin? Chat with Alexandra Petri. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/29/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/29/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/Alexandra PetriTue, 29 Jun 2021 15:00:02 +0000Humor columnist Alexandra Petri answered your questions and comments on the news and political in(s)anity of the day.I oppose indoctrination, which is why I want schools to prove they are thinking acceptable thingshttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/25/desantis-critical-race-theory-florida-indoctrination/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/25/desantis-critical-race-theory-florida-indoctrination/Alexandra PetriFri, 25 Jun 2021 18:35:13 +0000It is so important to have freedom on campuses, so we can fill out our viewpoint survey in a satisfactory way!Ivanka and Jared working to distance themselves from consequences of their own actionshttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/24/ivanka-jared-working-distance-themselves-consequences-their-own-actions/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/24/ivanka-jared-working-distance-themselves-consequences-their-own-actions/Alexandra PetriThu, 24 Jun 2021 18:16:21 +0000The you of yesterday is killed to make room for the you of today who drives its cart over the old self’s bones!Are you a victim of cancel culture? Ask Alexandra Petri.https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/22/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/22/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/Alexandra PetriTue, 22 Jun 2021 15:00:06 +0000Humor columnist Alexandra Petri takes your questions and comments on the news and political in(s)anity of the day.The NCAA goes into other lines of businesshttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/21/ncaa-supreme-court-decision-other-businesses/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/21/ncaa-supreme-court-decision-other-businesses/Alexandra PetriMon, 21 Jun 2021 20:37:59 +0000NCAA Plumbing: Weird, we know, but hear us out!I think retirement would be just perfect for Justice Breyer — or anyone else! https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/18/breyer-supreme-court-retire-fun/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/18/breyer-supreme-court-retire-fun/Alexandra PetriFri, 18 Jun 2021 13:05:10 +0000Do you wish to spend the rest of your life disagreeing with a man named Neil?Need a dose of humor in your day? Chat with Alexandra Petri: CANCELEDhttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/15/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/15/alexandra-petri-chat-opinions/Alexandra PetriTue, 15 Jun 2021 15:00:13 +0000Humor columnist Alexandra Petri takes your questions and comments on the news and political in(s)anity of the day.Biden travels abroad to reassure allies U.S. is committed to acting like nothing happenedhttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/12/biden-travels-abroad-reassure-allies-us-is-committed-acting-like-nothing-happened/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/12/biden-travels-abroad-reassure-allies-us-is-committed-acting-like-nothing-happened/Alexandra PetriSat, 12 Jun 2021 13:00:30 +0000Trump is currently not president in this moment!‘These new vaccine mutants are extremely disappointing,’ by Magnetohttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/11/magnetic-covid-vaccine-mutants-magneto-x-men/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/11/magnetic-covid-vaccine-mutants-magneto-x-men/Alexandra PetriFri, 11 Jun 2021 16:25:53 +0000Nobody, as far as I could tell, was magnetic at all.Joe Manchin attempts to solve the trolley problemhttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/10/joe-manchin-filibuster-trolley-problem/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/10/joe-manchin-filibuster-trolley-problem/Alexandra PetriThu, 10 Jun 2021 19:51:53 +0000Let me see your answers, Joe.Why have a Swiss Army knife when you could just buy an AR-15?https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/08/swiss-army-knife-ar-15-judge-assault-weapons-ban-no-difference/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/08/swiss-army-knife-ar-15-judge-assault-weapons-ban-no-difference/Alexandra PetriTue, 08 Jun 2021 15:22:50 +0000They're functionally identical!What should I wear to jury duty? Alexandra Petri answers your questions.https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/08/live-chat-alexandra-petri/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/08/live-chat-alexandra-petri/Alexandra PetriTue, 08 Jun 2021 15:00:07 +0000Humor columnist Alexandra Petri answered your questions and comments on the news and political in(s)anity of the day.What my civics textbook says about Trump getting ‘reinstated’https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/04/trump-reinstated-president-civics-textbook-constitution/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/04/trump-reinstated-president-civics-textbook-constitution/Alexandra PetriFri, 04 Jun 2021 19:24:48 +0000Including what the Founders had to say about reinstatement.Have you ever given a commencement speech? Alexandra Petri answers your questions. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/01/live-chat-alexandra-petri/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/01/live-chat-alexandra-petri/Alexandra PetriTue, 01 Jun 2021 15:00:25 +0000Humor columnist Alexandra Petri answered your questions and comments on the news and political in(s)anity of the day.Joe Manchin and the Ten Good Republicanshttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/05/29/joe-manchin-republicans-january-6-commission-vote/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/05/29/joe-manchin-republicans-january-6-commission-vote/Alexandra PetriSat, 29 May 2021 12:00:22 +0000"Are you sure that you saw them?" they asked. "Where did you see them?"John Steinbeck’s editor removes all the werewolves from his workhttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/05/28/john-steinbecks-editor-removes-all-werewolves-his-work/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/05/28/john-steinbecks-editor-removes-all-werewolves-his-work/Alexandra PetriFri, 28 May 2021 18:33:22 +0000We many need to rethink “Of Mice and Men and Werewolves.”We must learn not only the true part of science but also the contending perspectiveshttps://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/05/26/we-must-learn-not-only-true-part-science-also-contending-perspectives/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/05/26/we-must-learn-not-only-true-part-science-also-contending-perspectives/Alexandra PetriWed, 26 May 2021 19:41:32 +0000What if capitalism is actually the powerhouse of the cell?Are masks required for this chat? Alexandra Petri answers your questions. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/05/25/live-chat-alexandra-petri/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/05/25/live-chat-alexandra-petri/Alexandra PetriTue, 25 May 2021 15:00:12 +0000Humor columnist Alexandra Petri answered your questions and comments on the news and political in(s)anity of the day.Arizona’s election audit is a disaster. Hire my company to audit it.https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/05/21/arizonas-election-audit-is-disaster-hire-my-company-audit-it/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/05/21/arizonas-election-audit-is-disaster-hire-my-company-audit-it/Alexandra PetriFri, 21 May 2021 19:07:21 +0000We will not make the same mistakes as the Cyber Ninjas! Only new mistakes!I do not wish to learn anything more about my wealthy husband’s near demise (which would have been sad)https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/05/19/jan-6-commission-republicans-wealthy-husband-near-death/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/05/19/jan-6-commission-republicans-wealthy-husband-near-death/Alexandra PetriWed, 19 May 2021 21:27:27 +0000Oh, detective. Must we look into the events of the past?Have you seen any cicadas yet? Alexandra Petri answers your questions.https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/05/18/live-chat-alexandra-petri/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/05/18/live-chat-alexandra-petri/Alexandra PetriTue, 18 May 2021 15:00:34 +0000Humor columnist Alexandra Petri answered questions and comments on the news and political in(s)anity of the day.